Acknowledging and Healing from Sexual Trauma
Many people experience sexual assault in their lifetime. More than likely, you or someone you know has been a victim of sexual assault. Yet, it's one of the most underreported violent crimes in the United States, and sexual trauma is a stigmatized discussion in our society, whether it happens to men or women. Like Domestic Violence, victims of sexual violence suffer in silence due to the shame and self-blame that can result from this heinous crime. Therefore, Lala's Bedtime Tales has partnered with me, Janet Bayramyan, licensed clinical social worker and trauma therapist, to educate, create awareness, and cultivate understanding about sexual trauma and that healing is possible from this traumatic event in one's life.
Defining & Understanding Sexual Assault
Sexual assault is any sexual experience where our bodies and our ability to say yes or no to a sexual experience have been violated, and consent was not given. Sexual assault is incredibly sinister and involves a perpetrator forcibly engaging in rape, indecent behavior, sexual harassment, and harm to overpower their victim and engage in their sexual gratification.
Types of sexual violence can include childhood sexual abuse, intimate partner sexual violence, incest, drug-facilitated sexual assault, sexual assault, and rape. Sexual assault can happen to anyone. According to RAINN, one in four women report that they have been sexually assaulted in their lifetime. The number is also likely much higher as sexual assault cases are underreported. According to RAINN, one out of every ten sexual assault cases is reported by males. Reasons sexual assault is underreported is due to the fact that we live in a society that focuses on victim-blaming. Although the narrative is beginning to change, victims fear being blamed and not believed for their experiences.
Steps to Take If You Are Sexually Assaulted
If an assault happens, it's essential to understand that your brain and body likely have trauma responses. Perhaps you're in shock and feeling frozen for several days. Perhaps anger and rage begin to develop. Perhaps you notice yourself shutting down. These are all normal experiences following a violation of this magnitude. It's essential to surround yourself with support and know your options. Some victims decide to report, and others choose not to. Others decide to report oftentimes at a later time once finally out of the shock or frozen state. There's no right or wrong answer here. Those who choose not to report, or those who do not report to authorities immediately, likely don't report due to fear of not being believed. It's unfortunate that in our reality at this time, many law enforcement lacks the understanding of how to support victims, notably how to help victims immediately after an assault. It continues to be baffling to hear stories from victims of what was said to them by law enforcement officials. And we also live in a society that blames victims versus the perpetrators. With that being said, many organizations and therapists want to help an individual that has undergone sexual trauma.
To explore your options, one thing to consider is receiving medical attention. It's essential to go to the emergency room to make sure your body has been evaluated and to make sure it's safe. You can choose to complete a rape kit. Additionally, going to law enforcement or taking legal action is ultimately your choice and something to consider. Have support with you if possible.
If you know someone who has experienced sexual assault, first and foremost, listen. Secondly, believe them. Third, let them know you are there and supportive of what they need. Offer to listen, share compassion, and understanding. Offer to be with them in their time of need. If you don't know what to say, say that. Say, "I wish there were something I could do to help make this situation better for you."
Emotional Effects of Surviving Sexual Assault
The lasting effects of surviving sexual assault include experiencing symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), depression, anger, rage, anxiety, and potentially medical factors. Victims may experience fear or inability to trust others or even themselves. Victims may experience challenges engaging in daily tasks that were once simple and easy. We're often told to try and forget, to move on. That's simply not possible. This is all due to the brain experiencing acute stress and post-traumatic stress. There's no way to completely forget these experiences, as our brains and bodies store these traumatic events. Having that response in the brain and body is completely normal. The brain often goes into survival mode following an assault. This does not mean that these symptoms can't be treated. Therapy and psychiatry will be vital for your recovery and your healing.
Healing From Sexual Assault
There's no right or wrong way to move forward following a sexual assault. It is recommended to engage in activities that are healing and supportive for the body. For example, self-care is incredibly important. And self-care can be defined in many ways. That may mean attending yoga classes, painting, journaling, or whatever brings you pleasure and peace. We all function better when we take care of ourselves physically and emotionally. Thus, engaging in those activities can be incredibly supportive for the mind and body. Staying busy is also incredibly helpful. Although experiencing an assault is absolutely taxing on the mind and body, all survivors have the capacity to lead meaningful and positive lives. Many survivors have full-time jobs, go to school, volunteer, and have families.
It is helpful to try to get back to your regular routines as soon as possible. Finding time to do activities you enjoy is also an essential aspect of self-care. Many therapists encourage journaling after an individual has experienced sexual assault. Some survivors find that recording their thoughts and feelings in a journal or diary helps them manage their emotions after an assault. Meditation or relaxation exercises help many survivors as well.
Of course, I am a big proponent of therapy. Therapy will likely open the doorway to long-lasting healing and self-empowerment. It's essential to research and work with a therapist that has experience working with violence and sexual trauma. It's also important not to underestimate the importance of the relationship between you and your therapist. Your level of comfort and safety is significant. It's normal for your trust to take time. Trauma therapists understand that your trust will need to be earned in time. Suppose you're feeling comfortable and safe in the relationship, great. If not, it's essential to continue your search and find someone you are comfortable with talking to on your journey to sexual healing.
Surviving & Thriving After Sexual Trauma
Sexual trauma is not something you can "just move on from," similar to that of many other traumatic experiences. It's something that will stick with you forever. However, finding a healthy way of dealing with sexual trauma to heal your mind, body, and soul will allow you to live with it and not stagnate and enable it to consume you in a way that will disrupt your daily life. Healing from sexual trauma is possible, and many survivors live happy lives and experience healthy and loving relationships. Understand that the sexual violence you experience is not your fault. Even after sexual abuse, your body is still your own and no one else's. Being a victim of sexual violence doesn't make you unworthy, damaged goods, or not deserving of a caring, respectful, and trustworthy intimate partner. So, don't let sexual trauma deter you from finding your voice, choosing happiness, and understanding that your story matters. Allow yourself to heal in order to free yourself from the shackles of pain that you may be suffering from due to sexual trauma.
If you or someone you know has been a victim of sexual assault, please seek out help immediately. Down below are helpful sexual assault resources:
The Largest National Anti-Sexual Violence Organization: https://www.rainn.org/
Crisis Hotline: 1-800.656.HOPE (4673)
National Sexual Violence Resource Center: https://www.nsvrc.org/
Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests: https://www.snapnetwork.org/
Safe Helpline: https://www.safehelpline.org/
April is Sexual Assault Awareness & Prevention Month! Lala is dedicated to providing insightful and educational information to help create healthy and happy relationships which play a major role in your sexual health. Subscribe to Lala’s Bedtime Tales Newsletter and follow @LalasBedtimeTales on social media to never miss any sexual education to help you live the healthiest life possible. Also, check out the Lala's Bedtime Tales Podcast and Lala's Oh So Exclusive Patreon account for even more content! If you’re browsing for sexy pleasure products or cute giftable items, then check out Lala’s Pleasure Shop.
Cited Source(s):
1. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics, National Crime Victimization Survey, 2019 (2020). Note: RAINN applies a 5-year rolling average to adjust for year-to-year NCVS survey data changes.
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