5 Tips to Pleasure Your Mate
Whether you are in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship, or you’ve been together for decades, it's always important to work on your connection and emotional bonds with your partner. So, ask yourself, how are you growing your relationship, nurturing healthy habits, and most importantly, pleasuring your mate? Pleasuring your mate is something that should be done in and out of the bedroom for a strong relationship. We're going to explore five ways to pleasure your mate and ensure a happy and healthy relationship for the long run.
Tip #1: Communication is Key
It is important to talk openly and honestly, listen, and be receptive to information in a relationship. There should be a healthy balance of sharing positive feelings about your partner and your relationship and discussing difficult topics before it leads to conflict. All relationships will experience high and low points but having a healthy and open communication style can make things less complicated when dealing with issues. Since we cannot read each other's minds, it's always important to clearly communicate your needs to your partner. You should express and acknowledge boundaries and non-negotiables, physical and emotional needs and wants, and intimacy and romance expectations between one another.
The three ways to improve communication in an intimate relationship are:
Building your trust and companionship - People often equate intimacy with sexual connectivity, but it goes far beyond physicality. Trust and companionship are steppingstones for vulnerability with your partner.
Sharing intimate moments - Easily sharing experiences and showing affection and appreciation to one another builds a rapport that should comfortably communicate interests and concerns.
Finding one or two key topics you can agree upon and strategizing together about them - whether it’s finances or childrearing, discussing major concerns will help you overcome them together.
Most importantly be patient and understanding with one another because communication and the vulnerability of sharing oneself and emotions can be hard and mentally taxing for some. Clear communication, listening, and acknowledgment are skills that can grow over time and will be beneficial to the overall pleasure of your relationship.
Tip #2: Lean into Your Partner's Love Language
Love languages are key to a successful relationship because it helps you understand how each person prefers to give and receive love. So, what are love languages you might ask? "The Five Love Languages" is a relationship concept developed by Gary Chapman, who has over thirty years of experience as a marriage counselor and did decades of research on the psychology of relationships and marriage. Through his research and years as a marriage and relationship therapist, he found the significance of speaking the love language of your partner or spouse.
The five love languages are listed and described below:
Words of Affirmation – Saying positive words to your partner. For example, verbally expressing to your partner that you loved how they made time for you yesterday.
Acts of Service – Doing things for your partner. For example, cooking dinner before your partner gets home from a long day of work
Receiving Gifts – Giving thoughtful gifts to your partner. For example, knowing your partner loves roses so bringing home some for them after running errands to show you were thinking of them.
Quality Time - Giving your partner your undivided attention. For example, cooking together or watching favorite tv shows with one another.
Physical Touch – Appropriately touching your partner. For example, holding hands while on outings.
These five love languages are how people speak and interpret their emotional love for a person in an intimate relationship. Based on Chapman's research, "Being able to communicate and understand you and your partner's primary love language can lead to a satisfactory relationship, help resolve issues more easily, and help foster growth in each other." Therefore, expressing your primary love language and catering to your intimate partner's love language can increase the feeling of love, value, and appreciation within your relationship.
While love languages can be the key to verbal and non-verbal communication, it's not the end-all and be-all of a relationship. Since love languages look different to everyone, a great exercise is to write down your interpretation of your love language and what it looks like so you and your partner can be on the same page in recognizing how to romance and pleasure one another. This should be a pleasant and informative tool and not be used as a coercive or manipulation ploy. Get the conversation started about your love language! Take a fun love language quiz here.
Tip #3: Don't Yuck Your Partner's Yum
Sexuality is a unique journey for everyone! People, including your partner, have a different relationship with sexuality, gender, and romance that is simply their own perspective. As long as you are comfortable with it and it's consensual (also not limited to the harming of oneself or others with rape, incest, pedophilia, bestiality, or physical or deathly harm), be open-minded about the things your partner wants to try in the bedroom. To better pleasure your mate and have an enjoyable sex life, you should create a judgment-free zone to explore sexual pleasures and fantasies. You can decline a fantasy or suggestion you may be uncomfortable engaging in without ridiculing and shaming your partner.
Here are three ways to engage in a Judgment-Free Sexual Conversation about your Desires and Turn-Ons:
Be open and honest with yourself: Ask yourself if you're wanting to change your perspective and thoughts on a "normal" sexual relationship and if this new outlook and needed changes are leading you to feel unfulfilled in your current sex life.
Communicate Your Desires & Feelings with Your Partner: Be open and honest with your partner about your sexual preferences and feelings of unfulfillment in your relationship. The best way to do this is not by making them feel like you're accusing them of causing the issue or that they're a bad lover. Instead, offer a solution and discuss ways to satiate your sexual needs that's comfortable and consensual between both of you. If you cannot come to an amicable agreement and this causes friction, seek out a sexuality coach or therapist to help mend the situation.
Always Keep the Yuck out of Your Partner's Yum: Depending on your partner's response, don't look down on them if they aren't comfortable with what you want to explore sexually. Also, if your partner is coming to you with a request do not become outraged or emotional about the situation. Simply communicate your feelings to one another and decide on the next steps without judgment or coercion tactics.
Overall, there is no "normal way" to find pleasure in bed and sex is no one-size-fits-all. So, it is encouraged and expected for people and couples to experiment with their sexuality. If you open up about your desires and turn-ons, you'd be amazed by what your partner might be feeling or wanting to try as well. Why not be honest about your sexual fantasies? Find a way to make them a delightful and pleasurable reality!
Tip #4: Try Something New Together
To strengthen your bond with your spouse or intimate partner, you need to experience new challenges and interests together. Try doing something outside of the bedroom that grows trust and romanticism. It's easy to fall into the same routine in a relationship and become stale. So, to avoid getting to this point with your partner try something new together! A great way to do this is by utilizing tip number two and figuring out ways to incorporate new experiences into your daily, weekly, or monthly routines based on love languages. Does your partner enjoy words of affirmation? Send them a daily positive text or leave positive messages around the house to brighten up their day. Do they feel most appreciated from receiving gifts (Lala does!)? Gift them with a thoughtful scavenger hunt that leads to an ideal date night or getaway.
Another way to bring excitement back into your relationship is taking turns planning date nights based on interesting things that you've both wanted to try. For example, Lala's spouse enjoys cooking so she once surprised him with a sushi-making course to add some fun and shake up their weekly date night. There are no limits or dollar amounts on creating experiences with one another to foster new chapters in your relationship. So, what are you waiting for? Go out and create happy memories with your intimate partner!
Tip #5: Plan an Adventurous Date or Sex Night
Everyone enjoys excitement in the bedroom or an unforgettable date! So, a good way to pleasure your mate is by showing them your spontaneous and adventurous side, especially in the bedroom. This experience doesn't have to be just a few hours during that day either. Set the mood for an amazing date or sex night in multiple ways throughout the day to build up the excitement for your spouse or intimate partner.
For an amazing date night, drop clues throughout the day of what the surprising and adventurous date might entail. You can use riddles, lines from a poem, inside jokes, or quotes. This will build your partner's anticipation and have them guessing all day about what you have in store for them. Most importantly, this will show your partner that you took time and consideration to plan an epic and out-of-the-norm experience to bring them joy. Your partner will feel loved and appreciated, bringing more intimacy and romanticism to the relationship.
If you're going for a hot and spontaneous sex night, foreplay should definitely take place all day long leading up to the hot night of mind-blowing sex. Start by talking dirty to your partner through text messages or sexting them sexy photos of you, dropping hints on what's in store for them that night. Pick one of your intimate partner's hottest fantasies and begin hinting at it via phone calls, text, images, or videos. Then, add costumes and role play into the mix to make it hotter or even change up the location or venue for this spontaneous sex. The perk of this form of pleasuring your mate is that it will keep them on their toes and guessing about what you have up your sleeve for an exciting & tantalizing night spent in the bedroom.
September is "Pleasure Your Mate Awareness" Month so, how do you pledge to bring pleasure to your partner? Subscribe to Lala's Bedtime Tales Newsletter and follow @LalasBedtimeTales on social media to never miss any love & relationship advice to strengthen the fulfillment and longevity of your relationship! Also, check out the Lala's Bedtime Tales Podcast and Lala's Oh So Exclusive Patreon account for even more content! If you’re browsing for sexy pleasure products or cute giftable items, then check out Lala’s Pleasure Shop.
