You Won't Break My Soul: Self-Care Tips To Help You Heal From A Breakup
We've all been there before. I've been there more times than I'd like to count. The pain in your stomach like you just got sucker-punched. The obsessing thoughts of how they are doing without you. The uncomfortable conversations with family and friends where you must explain why y'all had to part ways. Many of us have had the experience of ending a relationship. Whether it's ending a relationship with an abusive partner, an inconsiderate best friend, or that horrible soul-sucking job, we have had to make the difficult decision to disrupt the chaos and choose peace by removing negative relationships from our life.
Letting Go Of Toxic Relationships In Life
It's hard to leave when you've invested so much. At work, you have your favorite co-workers or the population you serve; when you leave a romantic relationship, you may have an attachment to their family and friends and don't want to let them go, or when leaving a friendship, you may be splitting up the friend group. Whenever someone or something is removed from your daily routine, finding a new groove and adapting to this change in pace can be a struggle. I know starting over from scratch can be challenging. Especially when you've invested so much energy, and you feel the pressures of society to be at a certain point in your life, whether it be in your career, your relationship status, or even in the friends or acquaintances, you choose to have in your social circle. Trust your intuition. Trust the decisions you have made to protect your peace.
Self-Care Is Self-Preservation
You've made the right choice of ending that abusive relationship. You didn't feel heard or seen, were overworked and underappreciated, and were taken advantage of for the emotional support you provided. You made a brave decision to prioritize yourself. So during this time, self-care will be clutch as you recover from the heartbreak of leaving something so familiar. And I'm not just talking about bubble baths and spa days (although I love me a good spa day). I'm talking about a more holistic approach to self-care that will help you refocus, recharge, and reclaim the energy that you used for that relationship.
The great Audre Lorde stated, "Caring for myself is not self-indulgence. It is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare." Self-care is about managing our overall well-being and ensuring that all areas of our lives aren't neglected. There are several types of self-care: emotional, mental, social, physical, spiritual, financial, and (my favorite) sexual. When you take the time to prioritize your own self-care both within your relationships and when you are no longer in those relationships, you are setting the standard for how you want to be treated. Maintaining a regular self-care practice helps enforce boundaries with others and reduces the chances of burnout.
Four Strategic Ways To Heal From A Break Up
Now, there are so many ways people can practice the previously mentioned types of self-care. Your practice will be unique to you and will be activities that align with your values and beliefs. So instead of sharing a long list of random self-care activities, I want to share with you four tips to help you heal from any breakup you may have experienced, whether it's leaving a job, ending things with a partner, or releasing an old friend from your life.
1.Focus On The Positive Takeaways of the Relationship
Many people's first instinct is to think they are somehow a failure because the relationship has ended. When there are so many ways that the relationship indeed was a success, explore the lessons you have learned from the dynamic that has made you a better person. And I'm not talking about what the traumatic situations force you to learn. I want you to really look at the skills you have developed. Did you perfect that mac and cheese recipe? Did you get leadership training paid for? Did you learn about the best brunch spots in your town?
2. Explore What Pleases You
Go play with yourself! Not in the masturbatory sense (although that wouldn't be too bad either). Begin to re-explore hobbies in your life that bring you joy, peace, and pleasure. When we're inundated with work or just used to doing everything with a partner, it is easy to forget about the aspects of play that we enjoy as an individual. Rediscovering hobbies can also bring clarity towards the next career path you may want to take.
3. Rediscover Yourself Intimately
Get naked and reconnect with your body. One of my favorite activities to assign clients for homework is looking at their naked bodies and spending time getting to know themselves intimately. Look at all the lumps, bumps, and curves. Acknowledge the marks, scars, and freckles. And show gratitude to all the lines, joints, and hairs that show the journey you have been on. Learn to see yourself in a new light and regain the confidence to reassure yourself that you can successfully navigate this transition.
4. Don’t Cut Off Social Connection To Others
Reach out for support. People need people! Humans thrive the most and live a lot longer in a community with people who love them and want to see them grow. Sometimes folks are embarrassed by the end of a significant relationship or don't want to burden others with their problems, so they hold on to their thoughts and emotions. This can lead to increased feelings of anxiety and depression if it goes unresolved. I always liken it to blowing up a balloon; if you continue blowing air into it without letting any out, it will continue to grow and eventually pop! Harboring stress and anxiety can lead to physical ailments that force you to take a break, typically at the most inopportune time. So reach out to friends to have a game night, take a group dance class at a local studio, or volunteer at a food pantry to surround yourself with people who can pour into you. And I would be remiss if I didn't mention to take your butt to therapy! Therapy with a trained and licensed mental health provider can give you the tools to help you grieve the loss of the relationship dynamic, gain clarity about what you want your next steps to be, and identify characteristics you will need in your next relationship.
A breakup can feel like the end of the world and can lead to depression but, it doesn’t have to break your soul. July is Social Wellness Awareness Month, so here at Lala’s Bedtime Tales we challenge you to take the time to do something that will protect your peace this month. A significant part of Lala's Bedtime Tales mission is to provide a safe space and judgment-free zone to educate yourself on sexual health & wellness. The Sexual Health & Wellness corner will have monthly articles dedicated to continuous education on living a positive and sexually healthy lifestyle. Subscribe to Lala's Bedtime Tales Newsletter and follow @LalasBedtimeTales on social media to never miss any sexual education to help you live the healthiest life possible. Also, check out the Lala's Bedtime Tales Podcast and Lala's Oh So Exclusive Patreon account for even more content! If you’re browsing for sexy pleasure products or cute giftable items, then check out Lala’s Pleasure Shop.
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