The Romance Remedy For A Sexless Marriage
Hello,
I'm Kendal Turner, a Certified Counselor and Relationship Coach!
So, I want to tell you all a little story.
I was on a double date in Miami at Prime 112 this past week. Everyone knows me as the relationship expert (talk about pressure, lol). Anyways, my good friend's husband asks me a particular question…
What is the common theme with the couples you work with within your practice? My immediate reply was sexual intimacy.
According to a recent study, 15 percent of marriages are sexless marriages. They go anywhere from six months to one year without any sexual intercourse.
Unfortunately, these stats lead to a higher rate of more than 50 percent of those marriages ending in divorce.
Before we can address a problem, we have to look at some of the causes:
Medical Conditions
Physical Distance
Incompatibility
Loss of Commitment and Understanding of Your Significant Other
Loss of Physical Passion
Resentment Towards Your Significant Other
Loss of attraction
Honestly, the list can probably go on, but my goal as a relationship coach and counselor is always to empower you with the tools to rekindle and bring the spark back to the bedroom.
Emotional Intimacy Kindles The Sexual Spark
I don't think this is discussed often, but it is hard to maintain a healthy sexual relationship over time without emotional intimacy. So it is essential to maintain a healthy balance of emotional intimacy. You can do this by having rituals where you as a couple connect daily. It can be as simple as watching a nightly show together, having coffee or morning tea together and my personal favorite is going on evening or morning walks together. Whatever you decide, just make sure you all carve out uninterrupted time daily to connect.
2. Meditation Is Mental Foreplay
Meditation, yes, that's right, meditation is a great tool to help rekindle your sex life. Here's why it helps reduce stress, which results in you being mentally ready to get in the mood for sex. It also helps you physically sleep better, allowing you to be more energized throughout the day and more open to sexual intimacy. Let's be honest, how many distractions do we deal with daily? Meditation also allows you to be more present, which is my favorite benefit because it will enable you to be grateful for your partner. When you operate from a place of gratitude, you show up differently. So I encourage you to meditate together as a couple and incorporate solo sessions as a part of your morning routine.
3. Sensual Tunes To Set The Mood
If you as a couple don't have a sexy playlist, I recommend creating one and putting it into use. Music is a bonding activity that translates no differently when you are in your bedroom. It also helps you relax during the act and let go of any inhibitions, creating a very pleasurable experience.
4. Dance Away The Dry Spell
Speaking of music, another helpful tool to shift the dry spell in your sex life is dancing. I mean, come on, how sexy is salsa dancing? If you don't know how to find a class! Get connected and watch how your marriage or relationship changes. You can also search for videos on YouTube or just dance together for fun at home. Whatever you decide, just make sure it includes movement together.
5. Audioeroticism Stimulates Arousal
Read erotica books aloud to one another or listen to them on audible. The wordplay will start to stimulate you mentally first, then signal to your body that it is time (or now you are in the mood) to be sexually intimate.
6. Erogenous Exploration Dates
Set up an exploration date with your significant other, using only your mouth and hands, explore each other's bodies, and talk about what feels good and what you dislike. Then practice putting it into work. I recommend doing this activity every three months because we are constantly changing.
7. Take A Sexy Bae-cation
Change locations! Seriously a change in scenery can definitely ignite the spark back in a long-term relationship. There are affordable, beautiful places you can visit in the states, like Denver or Miami/ Ft. Lauderdale. If you can't get away, no worries, book a nice staycation in your hometown. When your body is in rest mode, you can relax and enjoy intimacy more. The new location also brings a different excitement to your senses, heightening your sexual experience.
8. Amplify Your Voice In The Bedroom
Tell the truth, please communicate honestly and respectfully in the bedroom, and don't lie about what feels good. Don't be ashamed about your turn-ons and even the things that turn you off. Communicate, communicate, communicate. I can't express that enough.
9. Healthy Food Improves Your Sex Life
Diet, what you put in your body matters. We have younger men dealing with erectile dysfunction due to health issues such as diabetes or high blood pressure. It doesn't have to be this way, especially with the resources we have readily available. So research healthy foods that will help reverse these health conditions. Don't forget to research vitamins that assist with our sexual organs or overall mental health.
10. Re-Date Your Mate
Finally, my favorite date! Like really date each other, pick a variety of date options. Put effort into what you look like, ladies and gents; dress up. Make your partner crave and anticipate getting you home at the end of the night. Your marriage will thank me later!
Sexual Intimacy Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All
I want to close with this, and there isn't a one-size-fits-all when rekindling sexual intimacy in your relationship. However, you have to be open to embracing change. The goal is to get a different result in your sex life. This requires a certain level of commitment. As you exit this article, commit to choosing a minimum of three things from this list; you will try to spark something new within your sex life!
As always, Happy dating!
Sincerely,
Your Sista on the Sofa,
Kendal
Divorce doesn’t have to be the solution to a sexless marriage. August is Romance Rekindle Month, so here at Lala’s Bedtime Tales we challenge you to take the time to do something that will protect your peace this month. A significant part of Lala's Bedtime Tales mission is to provide a safe space and judgment-free zone to educate yourself on sexual health & wellness. The Sexual Health & Wellness corner will have monthly articles dedicated to continuous education on living a positive and sexually healthy lifestyle. Subscribe to Lala's Bedtime Tales Newsletter and follow @LalasBedtimeTales on social media to never miss any sexual education to help you live the healthiest life possible. Also, check out the Lala's Bedtime Tales Podcast and Lala's Oh So Exclusive Patreon account for even more content! If you’re browsing for sexy pleasure products or cute giftable items, then check out Lala’s Pleasure Shop.
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