Six Sexpert Tips To Know Before Buying Sex Toys
Raise your hand if you have ever felt awkward, sketched out, confused, or just lost when entering an erotica shop. Yeah.. you're definitely not alone. Pinky Promise. If you are familiar with Tokyo Valentino, Atlanta's premier erotica boutique. Then you've experienced this greeting when entering the erotica shop, "Hi! Welcome! I'm so glad you're here!"
Hi, I'm Bri, I'm a Self-fullness and Lovership Coach in the sexual wellness space, and I'm so glad you've decided to spend the next 15 minutes discovering more about yourself and your sexual appetite. I hope you're as excited as I am for you to learn about sex toys, A.K.A. "sexual wellness" products, here in the sex education community.
A Brief History Behind Sex Toys
Let's start with a very brief history, shall we? Contrary to popular belief that sex products have only surfaced within the 20th century, they have actually been around since around 29000B.C.. In an article by Amie Dawson, Ph.D. (TheToy), she describes the evolution of sex products throughout history and culture in this fascinating sexual wellness read. The first sex toy that historians discovered was a phallic stone dildo. Then, in 500 B.C., humankind invented what we now call "Ben Wall Balls", which had great popularity amongst society during this era. In the 1200s, the Romans created the first double-ended dildo. Later in history, in 1734, the first vibe, A.K.A Tremoussoir, was introduced as a medical instrument. The rubber used in modern-day condoms and other sex products became a significant discovery around 1844. Then came the famous K.Y. Jelly in 1917. "Good Vibrations," the first sex-positive storefront for vibrators, opened in 1977, then in 1998, with the HBO hit "Sex and the City," sex products became an easy-ish owned part of the culture and the household. Today, with the advancement of technology and our current mobile-centered society, we have an insatiable amount of products available to us and an ever-growing adult toy industry estimated to scale to $62 billion by 2030, according to a Grand View Research report.
Why Should Everyone Own A Sex Toy?
So why sex toys? It's simple, really--sexual health is a necessity. People want to feel good and most of the "sex majority" need assistance in their experience of erotic pleasure. If your sex education was anything like mine, you probably didn't learn much in that 45-minute study hall after lunch. It's not uncommon for me, as a sex educator and sexual wellness coach, to come across people who have no idea that when they are referring to their vagina, they are actually talking about their vulva or that the clitoris is actually a network of goodness that extends inwards with a pair of vestibular bulbs A.K.A. “lady balls”. Or that you can stimulate the male prostate without ever entering the butthole. Or that it's a truthful expression regarding sexuality and sexual anatomy that "if you don't use it, you really can lose it". They are muscles, after all.
What it comes down to is that there is a dire need for comprehensive sexual education and stat! If I start a petition--will you sign it?
Even worse, sexual wellness products are even less understood and often stigmatized in today's society. According to the Georgia obscenity laws, sex toys are labeled as obscene, offensive, and still limited in their availability unless you have a medical reason for needing them. I mean, can you believe this is a law in the 2020s?
As a sexual wellness coach and sex educator, my work is vital for creating more awareness around these essentials and why pleasure and intimate products are beneficial. Working at the erotica shop is one way I educate individuals about these tools that can help improve their sexual education, sex life, and understanding of sexual health. The thing about the act of sex is that it doesn't discriminate. It doesn't have a preference as to who gets to experience it. It is a vessel for pleasure and wants everyone to hop on board.
I will not hold it against you if your knowledge of these wellness products and even your pleasure is limited to what you've witnessed on pornhub. It's the unfortunate side effect of the availability of the internet without the requirement of comprehensive sexual education to mediate.
What makes SexEd truly comprehensive is the inclusion of pleasure. An aspect that is almost always left out. Among pretty much everything else.
So, in Bri fashion, that's what we're going to be focusing on the most when incorporating sexual wellness products into our erotic play.
Did you know that the brain is your largest erogenous zone? Our brain plays a critical role in our pleasure, working as a signal to our bodily responses to erotic experiences. Turning the mind on by creating enough safety and desire to turn "off" will allow the body to experience pleasure in a way that is genuinely felt as opposed to feeling as if you are putting on a “false” performance during intimate acts.
So what do sex toys have to do with this? Well, where does your mind go when you think of sex toys? What connotation have you placed on them? How do you currently feel when you use them? Do you use them solo? With a partner? Do you hide them? Are you secretive about them, how you purchase them, or even your desire to buy them? Your answers to these questions will affect how you experience pleasure when and if you incorporate them, which products suit your desires, and the level of experience you allow yourself to reach.
Bri’s Expert Tips For Buying Sex Toys
One of the main concerns for newbie product users is that they feel overwhelmed with their sex toy options. They have no idea where to start, what to look for, or how most sexual wellness products even work. Then some people dabble in products and have some staple toys used for self-pleasure and some minor kink apparel they pull out when it's time to get a little wild. Finally, some people are more versed in the sex toy arena. These people have a nice collection, on a wider variety, and are interested in something more advanced to spice up their playtime. In each case, there is the desire to experience deeper pleasure, either solo or partnered. I've got you covered regardless of where you fall on the list. Feel free to read through all of this or scroll to the section that best fits your current sexual wellness product knowledge level.
Things to think about when purchasing your products:
1) Why Are You Purchasing Sex Toys or Wellness Products
How will you be using this product? How is it going to enhance your experience? What do you want it to do for you? Are you looking to stimulate a particular body part? Create a specific effect? Is the product going to bring more kink into your sex life? Will it help with intimacy with your partner or create confidence in your own autoeroticism? Considering what you want from the product and its functionality will help you make an informed decision while narrowing down your product selection.
2) What Material, Texture, and Shape Best Work For Me
What type of texture do you desire? Do you like smooth, veined, or ribbed? Do you want glass or steel? Those are best for temperature play. Are you allergic to silicone and prefer a body-safe Thermoplastic Rubber (T.P.R.)? Would you like it to be phallic-shaped? Are you into tentacle play and want something "alien" like? Are you interested in funky shapes or other bodily shapes? These are essential factors to understand when deciding what sex toys or other sexual wellness products will best serve you.
3) Do You Want A Rechargeable or Non-Rechargeable Sex Toy
Most products now are rechargeable, but you better be really good at not losing your charger. You can definitely go with battery-operated, though many of these products will take high-quality batteries and do not have a long life after a couple of sessions, so you’ll have to change out the batteries often. There are definitely perks and downsides to the varying sex toy power sources. Then some products are non-motorized, which brings their own style of pleasure.
4) Lube Is An Essential Pairing For The Ultimate Sex Toy Experience
This is important to know. So pay attention. DO NOT use silicone on silicone. Various types of lubricants exist; some work better with other sex toys, and some shouldn’t be paired with others. This is really the only critical point for lubricants in this article. I'll work with Lala to write an article that provides you with all the ins and outs of lubricants.
5) Understanding Sex Toy Size Is Important To Your Purchase
When it comes to size, especially for any sort of penetration, my rule of thumb is GRADUAL. There are dilator kits for both vaginal and anal play. Do you want it to be discreet? Travel size? Do you have a place large enough to store it? Keep this in mind when you hunt for a new sexual wellness product. It can totally make a difference.
6) Is This Sex Toy Water-resistant, Waterproof, or Submersible?
Knowing the difference between the three is crucial for taking care of your product and the setting where you can use your products. Water-resistant products wouldn't be ideal for someone who enjoys squirting during their sexy time or play scenes. Waterproof products are okay to clean under the faucet but not okay to take into the bathtub with you, like submersible sex toys.
Sex Toys Guide For Beginner, Immediate, and Advance Users
There are many sexual wellness products on the market, so I’m going to make sex toy shopping easy for you by providing you with my expertise on the best types of products for each user level. These will be my recommendations based on personal experience, the collective of people I interact with daily, and the countless texts, D.M.s, and emails I've received regarding toys throughout my career so far.
Beginner Sex Toys Guide
Since this is most likely your first product, starting simple is recommended. I'm talking either non-motorized or single-button and maybe even battery-operated. Get a feel of what you enjoy without spending too much on something you don't enjoy. This sex toy is going to be your first love. Important and memorable, it will be the one to help teach you and love you in the way that works best for your novice pleasure.
Playing Solo With A Vulva:
Playing Solo With A Penis:
Anal Play:
Playing Partnered:
Kink Play:
Intermediate Sex Toys Guide
With intermediate toys, the one thing you'll want to think about is desire. What is it that you are trying to accomplish? Is it for new experiences or to expand your level of pleasure? Are you adding in multiple avenues of stimulation simultaneously? Are you willing to invest in products for longevity? Do you want to experiment with new material? Are you looking to really start your collection? These will be products that are usually rechargeable, a bit more expensive, and come in a higher quality material.
Playing Solo With A Vulva:
Playing Solo With A Penis:
Anal Play:
Playing Partnered:
Kink Play:
Advanced Sex Toys Guide
Adding to your collection can be so fun! For those interested in an even spicier play time, it can be crucial for you to consider pushing your limits. Bringing your sexier fantasies to life and experiencing more unconventional sensations either solo or partnered. These products will be heftier and stacked with many more bells and whistles. It is always recommended to read the instruction manual. Most will require solid storage space and more privacy unless exhibitionism is your thing.
Playing Solo With A Vulva:
Playing Solo With A Penis:
Anal Play:
Playing Partnered:
Kink Play:
Sex Toys Galore
These options are only scratching the surface of what is available to you. As you experience and explore, your tastes will evolve and change in the juiciest ways, and I encourage you to continue your experimentation from this day forward. The journey of sexual thriving is continuous; if you desire it, there is a product and community awaiting you.
My philosophy is that sexual well-being is the foundation for personal thriving. So now that you're equipped with new and exciting knowledge and options head to your local erotic wellness shop or online to get this party started!
As always, stay sexy, and stay curious.
Love, B.
November 4th is National Sex Toy Day! It’s one of Lala’s favorite sexual wellness holidays of the year because sex toys are an amazing tool to aid you on your journey as you discover what brings you pleasure. If you want more sex toy education, then check out the Sex Toy Saturday Video Series for even more sexual health education and sex toy information. Therefore, part of Lala's Bedtime Tales mission is to provide a safe space and judgment-free zone to educate yourself on sexual health & wellness. The Sexual Health & Wellness corner will have monthly articles dedicated to continuous education on living a positive and sexually healthy lifestyle. Subscribe to Lala's Bedtime Tales Newsletter and follow @LalasBedtimeTales on social media to never miss any sexual education to help you live the healthiest life possible. Also, check out Lala's Bedtime Tales Podcast and Lala's Oh So Exclusive Patreon account for even more content! If you’re browsing for sexy pleasure products or cute giftable items, then check out Lala’s Pleasure Shop.
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