From Taboo To Woo-Hoo: The Art Of Backdoor Fun

Whether you're curious about anal play or someone who enjoys it, you're not alone. Sexual activities involving the anus are a relatively common sexual practice. Regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity, many people find anal play pleasurable, fun, and enjoyable. Anal play has the potential to be a fun and exciting sexual experience because whether you're a penis or vulva owner, the anus is an erogenous zone or pleasure point on the body for many individuals.

According to a recent study, 72% of Americans have engaged in anal play within their lifetime, and 42% of those research study participants reported enjoying sexual activities involving the anus. So, it's no wonder anal stimulation is a common sexual fantasy for those wanting to add more variety or novelty into their sex lives.

In a 2021 Research study, 63.3% of vulva owners enjoy receiving anal sex, and nearly 30% of those women-identifying individuals found anal as pleasurable as vaginal sex. Many vulva owners that engage in anal play tend to experience more and various orgasms. Therefore, when anal play is done right, it can be an enjoyable experience for all participants.

What Is Anal Play

Anal play is the sexual stimulation of the anus and rectum or any form of sexual activity that involves the booty. The most common forms of anal play are rimming or tonguing around or inside someone's butt, anal sex with a penis, putting a sex toy in the butt, or fingering an individual's butt. Although many people view anal play or butt stuff as taboo and shameful, it's a healthy and normal sexual activity. The butt has thousands of sensitive nerve endings in and around the anus, providing sensations that many find pleasurable when stimulated. Therefore, if you are an individual that enjoys engaging in anal play, you are perfectly normal.

Why Is Anal Sex Considered Taboo

In the Intercourse Discourse Interview, Backdoor Bliss, Dr. Jordan Soper, Licensed Psychologist, and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, explains that anal sex is considered taboo for multifactor reasons. The most common reason anal play is viewed as taboo stems from the fact that in society, particularly American society, there's an association of shame and stigma around sex and sexuality.

Anal sex has more stigmatization and is perceived as "taboo" because many of us are taught that anal sex is morally wrong and that the anus isn't designed for sexual activities or pleasure purposes. The ideologies around anal sex being a "taboo" sexual practice fuels many individuals' hesitation to participate in sexual activities involving the anus due to religious beliefs, cultural stigmas around sex, societal stereotypes, judgments associated with anal sex, and the portrayal of it as a naughty and forbidden act by the adult entertainment industry.  

Reasons To Engage In Anal Sex

The most popular reason that many choose to engage in anal play or anal sex is to find different ways to please the body, experience different sensations, and explore varying types of orgasms. Studies have shown that orgasm rates are higher for vulva owners when they include anal play in their sexual activities. Dr. Soper shares that anal sex can be a more enjoyable form of sexual intercourse for vulva owners that experience pain from vaginal penetration or have a partner(s) with an above-average penis size.

Some individuals find anal sex enjoyable as a form of more personal physical intimacy with special partners they choose to share in this sexual experience. Those in the BDSM community utilize anal sex as a power dynamic in dominant and submissive relationships. Lastly, if you are a penis owner, the anus is a source of extreme pleasure because the prostate has many sensitive nerves, and when stimulated, it leads to strong earth-shattering orgasms.

Anal Sex Risks And Dangers

Like with any sexual act, there are safer sex and risk-aware practices that need to be taken. But it's not inherently more dangerous than any other sexual act. Many individuals hesitate to engage in anal play out of fear of pain. Anal sex shouldn't be painful. While penetration of the anus may feel foreign, like you're having a bowel movement, or slight discomfort and pressure, there shouldn't be a sharp or excruciating pain.

During anal sex, it's always a good idea to use a condom to help protect against the spread of Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) or Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs). Anal sex is a form of sexual intercourse, and many STIs or STDs can be transmitted through anal play, including human papillomavirus (HPV), herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis, to name a few.

If you are engaging in multiple sex acts like oral sex, anal sex, and vaginal sex, be sure to clean sex toys, body parts, or change out condoms. These areas of the body have different bacteria and can cause infections if they travel between different areas of the body.

Stop anal play if you experience any tearing, bleeding, or intense unbearable pain. Pushing yourself to continue sexual activities in and around the anus can cause physical damage like fissures, continued or heavy bleeding, loss of bowel movement control, or anal prolapse.

Best Tips To Having Enjoyable Anal Sex

In a recent research study, about 77% of women-identifying participants stated they had had at least one negative anal sex experience. Of those research participants, about 67% said it was a negative experience because it was undesirably painful, making it an unenjoyable anal play experience.

The best way to have an enjoyable anal sex experience is to follow these four major key elements for great anal sex:

1. Communication & Consent Are A Priority: It is always vital to get consent from your intimate partner(s) that anal sex is something they enjoy or are interested in exploring in the bedroom. To have great anal sex, you and your partner(s) must trust in one another. Always have a conversation before engaging in anal sex for the first time; ensure you and your intimate partner(s) are on the same page. During anal play, be vocal about whether it feels good and what is pleasurable or if something is unpleasant or causing pain. Dr. Soper preaches that it's vital not to engage in anal sex under the influence because you can't fully consent, effectively communicate, or gauge your true level of discomfort and pain.

2. Prep Before Sliding Between The Cheeks: Anal sex is a sexual activity you should work up to for the most pleasurable experience. The preparation phase is an excellent time to explore the anal canal with butt plugs, anal vibrators, and fingers. Be sure always to start small. For example, start with fingers, graduate to butt plugs, and eventually use dildos and penises.

3. Relaxation Is Key To Comfort: Choosing a comfortable environment with no distractions is a great way to ease the fears and stress of engaging in anal sex. Also, incorporating breathwork to prevent tensing your body will help make anal sex less painful because focusing on your breath will help relax the internal sphincter for anal play. Lastly, 10 seconds of tightening and untightening the sphincter muscles can help loosen those muscles for anal sex.

4. Lots & Lots Of Lube: Unlike the vagina, the anus is not naturally self-lubricating. The more lubricant, wet, and slippery that you get the anus, the more comfortable and pleasurable the experience. DO NOT use desensitization or numbing lubes because it'll prevent the body from being aware of any pain, tearing, or bleeding. The best lubricant for anal sex is silicone-based lubricant because it's long-lasting and highly slippery. Unless you are using silicone-based sex toys, then a water-based lubricant is a better option. You will likely need to reapply it a few times because it dries quickly.

When people often complain about pain during anal sex, it's because they weren't relaxed, used insufficient or no lubricant, and didn't do ample foreplay. Dr. Jordan Soper suggests having an orgasm before engaging in anal sex so the body is in a relaxed state and doing a warmup to anal sex through the utilization of fingers or butt plugs.  

How To Prepare For Anal Sex

Anal sex can be fun with communication and proper preparation. Lala's five tips for preparing for anal sex are what she calls the five E's for enjoying anal play: educate, explore, effective communication, experiment, and utilize exercise tools.

Listed below is the breakdown of Lala's five E's for enjoyable anal play:

• Educate: Before engaging in anal play, whether through masturbation or with a partner(s), it's essential to research safety tips and measures from credible sources before engaging in anal play. Dr. Jordan Soper, Licensed Psychologist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, highly suggests reading Jack Morin's Anal Pleasure And Health: A Guide For Men And Women or checking out Sex Smart Films for step-by-step guides on how to have pleasurable and safe anal sex.

• Explore: Incorporating anal stimulation into your masturbation session or solo play dates before engaging with a partner(s) is a great way to learn if you find it enjoyable. What sensations and pressures feel good, and what positions are most comfortable for you when engaging in anal play.

• Effective Communication: Anal play, like any sexual act, should be discussed before engaging in it with a partner(s) to ensure both parties are interested and it's a consensual act. The best ways to discuss with your partner(s) that you’re interested in anal sex is by keeping the conversation light and open-ended with questions, asking if they’re in a good headspace to discuss your sex life, and utilizing sex education books, podcasts, and YouTube videos as an opener to discuss anal sex.

• Experiment: Test out and play around with different sex positions, sex toys, and sex acts like anilingus, fingering, or penetration with toys and body parts during sex with your partner(s).

• Exercise Tools: One of the best tips before diving into anal sex is to try out an anal training kit, butt plugs, or anal dilators to get used to the stretch and feel of an object in the anus and to increase the comfortability before graduating to a dildo, a partner's penis, or any phallic shaped object.

  The best advice for anal sex is to relax, stay calm, breathe, and have fun. Remember that anal sex is something that you'll want to work up to, so be patient with yourself because anal preparation is a process. Don't be afraid to take it as slow as you need.

How To Add Anal Play Into Masturbation

Anal play doesn't require a partner to experience or explore. The safest and best way to discover whether or not butt stuff is your cup of tea is through self-exploration. You can learn much about your likes and dislikes around anal stimulation via anal masturbation. Anal masturbation is the act of self-pleasuring by stimulating the nerve endings in and around the anus and rectum. You can accomplish anal masturbation with your fingers and anal-specific sex toys.

The best way to add anal play into masturbation is by starting with your normal masturbation routine. Once you've had an orgasm from your typical form of self-pleasure, this will not only help you release tension and be in the right mindset but also relax your sphincter muscle. Find the right masturbation pose for anal masturbation that will allow you to feel comfortable and give you the best access to your anus and rectum. I can't stretch this enough to start slowly and use lots of lubricant.

I would suggest lubing up your finger, anus, and rectum and beginning with an external massage of the anus. Once you feel comfortable, insert one finger and see how that feels and if you find it comfortable. Gradually add a small toy or dilator to get comfortable inserting items into the rectum. Once you feel like you can handle a few fingers and the smallest anal toys and dilators, explore moving up to anal beads, prostate massagers, anal dildos, and vibrators.

Lastly, stimulate other erogenous zones like your nipples, clitoris, labia, scrotum, or neck to help increase pleasure. Combining anal and vaginal masturbation is a great way to have blended orgasms and level up the pleasure you experience during masturbation sessions.

Best Sex Toys For Anal Sex

In The Intercourse Discourse interview, Dr. Jordan Soper, Licensed Psychologist, and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, advises that the best sex toys for anal play are those specifically designed for humans to use in their rectum. She advises against using fruit, vegetables, grooming products, or objects unsafe for insertion into the human body. It's best to use sex toys that are anal-specific because they have a flared base or barrier that keeps the sex toys from getting sucked into the sphincter. The safest and most enjoyable anal sex toys are vibrating butt plugs, prostate massagers, anal beads, or anal training kits from reputable sex toy retailers like wevibe, lovense, Bellessa, or lovehoney.

It's pertinent to practice sex toy safety when utilizing sex toys, whether alone or with a partner. Clean your sex toys before and after each use, including between sexual acts and partners. Best sex toy safety practices are cleaning each sex toy with warm, mild diluted soap and water or with a sex toy cleaner for about a minute before and about ten minutes after use, removing any leftover body fluids.

Best Sex Positions For Anal Sex

The anal sex position plays a significant role in the comfort and pleasure of anal sex for all parties involved. Dr. Soper suggests that the best sex positions for anal sex are based on you and your partner(s) comfort level, flexibility, and mobility. Typically, sex positions that don't initially constrict or put pressure on the body and anus are the best sex positions for anal sex. The most preferred position for individuals for anal sex is doggy style because it's a horizontal sex position that allows for no pressure up or down on the rectum. Other positions that individuals tend to enjoy for anal sex are missionary, spooning, and cowgirl. Cowgirl tends to be most vulva owners' least favorite because gravity pushes you down, causing pressure on the anus. Yet, the caveat for those that enjoy cowgirl during anal sex is that they get to control the speed and depth of the penetration.

At the end of the day, there is no right or wrong sex position when engaging in anal play, whether alone or with a partner, and it depends on you and your partner(s) personal preference. The best way to find the most suitable anal sex position for you is through experimentation and trial and error.

How To Orgasm From Anal Sex

If you are a heteronormative woman or a vulva owner, it's possible to have an orgasm from anal sex, even though you don't have a prostate. Your clitoris extends internally, and some vulva owner's internal clitoris tissue extends to the anus so that they can have a clitoral orgasm through anus stimulation. Dr. Jordan Soper explains that those with vulvas can have orgasms through anal sex because anal play or anal penetration puts pressure on the backside of the vaginal wall. As a result, the pressure on the backside of the vaginal wall will stimulate the backend of the internal clitoris and cause indirect clitoral stimulation, which leads to an anal orgasm for vulva owners or heteronormative women.

Another way cisgender women can have an anal orgasm is through the stimulation of the A-spot, which is an erogenous zone located between the cervix and the bladder. The A-spot is also known as the fornix erogenous zone or the female prostate. The A-spot is located deep inside the vagina, around five or six inches into the vaginal canal. Anal sex can create pressure on the anterior wall where the A-spot is located, causing deep waves of pleasure that erupt into an orgasm from anus stimulation.

Enjoy Bootylicious Bliss

Don't let shame, stigma, or fear keep you from experiencing the bliss of butt stuff. If you are a fan of anal play, there is no need to feel any guilt or shame because the anus is a pleasurable erogenous zone meant for sexual stimulation and isn't forbidden or taboo. Nevertheless, like any sexual activity, there are some that we love and some that we hate. It's all dependent on your personal sexual journey. Remember that anal play doesn't have to involve penetration; you can get pleasure from external anal stimulation, or rim jobs may be your favorite anal pleasure. The key to great anal sex is to explore, take it slow, use lots of lube, and enjoy! Anal sex shouldn't be painful, and there's a lot of joy to be had between the booty cheeks.

August is Anal Pleasure Month! Anal sex isn’t dirty, forbidden, or taboo. The anus is an erogenous zone that’s a source of sexual pleasure when safety, communication, and preparation or taken into account. If you want to learn more tips and education about anal play from a Licensed Psychologist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Jordan Soper, PsyD, ABPP, CST, then watch The Intercourse Discourse Interview, Backdoor Bliss: An Expert Guide To Safe And Enjoyable Anal Play. Lala's Bedtime Tales’ mission is to provide a safe space and judgment-free zone to educate yourself on sexual health & wellness. The Sexual Health & Wellness Corner will have monthly articles dedicated to continuous education on living a positive and sexually healthy lifestyle. Subscribe to Lala's Bedtime Tales Newsletter and follow @LalasBedtimeTales on social media to never miss any sexual education to help you live the healthiest life possible. Also, check out Lala's Bedtime Tales Podcast and Lala's Oh So Exclusive Patreon account for even more content! If you’re browsing for sexy pleasure products or cute giftable items, then check out Lala’s Pleasure Shop.

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